Finally, someone else gets it. And this time, I’ve got receipts.
I’m talking about this piece from Psychology Today
Go read it. I’ll wait. Actually, don’t. You already know the punchline — you’ve just been avoiding it.
Here it is, loud and unfiltered: Constantly chasing happiness is likely the last way you’ll ever find it. There. That’s the whole scam exposed.
Most people don’t want happiness. They want certainty. They want proof they’re doing life “right.” They want a guarantee that if they follow the steps, say the affirmations, and optimize their mindset, they’ll finally feel okay.
So they chase. They chase happiness the way a dog chases its tail — exhausted, dizzy, and convinced the next lap will be the one that works.
The Psychology Today article actually says what the self-help industry keeps tiptoeing around: the more you value happiness as something you must achieve, the more pressure you put on every moment to deliver it. And pressure kills presence. Presence is where happiness occasionally shows up.
You don’t live your life anymore. You audit it.
Am I happy yet?
Why not?
What’s missing?
What should I fix next?
That internal interrogation is enough to make anyone miserable — even on a decent day. Here’s the ugly truth I keep yelling into the void: Chasing happiness turns your life into a performance review.
You’re not eating dinner — you’re evaluating whether it’s “enjoyable enough.”
You’re not on a walk — you’re checking if it improved your mood.
You’re not in a relationship — you’re constantly assessing whether it’s making you feel fulfilled.
You’ve turned being alive into a KPI. And the article nails the real shift, even if it says it politely: stop treating happiness as the goal and start treating engagement as the point.
Happiness isn’t something you manufacture by effort. It’s a side effect. A byproduct. It shows up when you’re absorbed, involved, doing something that matters — not when you’re hovering over your emotional dashboard like a nervous intern.
You don’t get happy first and then live. You live — and sometimes happiness shows up.
Sometimes it doesn’t. And guess what? Life still counts. Let’s be honest — chasing happiness gives you something. It gives you a future fantasy to hide in. It gives you an excuse not to deal with the dull, uncomfortable, unfinished parts of your life right now. It gives you the illusion that once you “arrive,” the discomfort of being human will stop.
It won’t.
The mindset shift isn’t positive thinking. It’s letting go of the scoreboard. Stop asking if you’re happy. Start asking if you’re present. Are you actually here for your life, or are you standing outside it waiting for a feeling to give you permission to begin? Because the cruel joke is this: happiness has terrible aim when you chase it — but shockingly good timing when you stop trying to corner it.
And yeah… finally, someone else gets it.